This is not the way it should end, its the way it should begin

Colbie Caillat's new song begin again. The most meaningful part of the song is the sentence above..."this is not the way it should end, its the way it should begin"

I have mourned, thinked hard and been guilt ridden even till now. His passing away will always leave an indelible mark in my life. He had left us to be by His side, so said by everyone comforting me. There is no more meaning of pointing fingers at anyone. It is a fact I didn't put words into action and have been ignorant of his condition. I am guilty of hesitating about attending his funeral. I weighed in money and thousands of other excuses instead of being steadfast with the thought to send him off for the last time. Without dwelling too much on the past. Lets just finish everything in one sentence. My intention to show care and concern is there but it wasn't reflected in my actions. "Words falter without action" that was his advice for the rest of my life...

Instead of being buried with demons of the past and being guilty with my own wrongdoings. I should and must change myself first. Someone told me rightly that I am being insecure of myself and low on self esteem. It wouldn't really bother me anymore about what others think of me, I must be responsible to my own self. To take good care of my own health, to repay my parents' never ending love and faith in me, to be the brother that my siblings deserve and proud to have and finally to be the friend that can be trusted and depend on.

He might be gone, but he left a message for me. This is not the way it should end, its the way it should begin...begin again! I'm grateful that I can begin again and really show care and concern to those I loved and hold dear. Jon will only forgive me when I can learn to forgive myself.

PS: I do not intend to be emotional with every post I wrote, but that is me being true to myself, to express and to share...